Rumination: When Your Thoughts Don't Have an Off Button
Ya know when you just had a breakup so you and your friends go out to “keep your mind off it” or “help you get over them”. You’re out and you're having fun and drinking and meeting new people and you're having a blast. Then, when it’s time to go home and the fun starts dying down who do you drunk dial? Your ex.
Once the distraction wears off, your thoughts come RUSHING back. Sometimes even a distraction is not enough to calm your busy mind. How often in your life does something happen and you find your brain just STUCK on the event for HOURS? The overthinking kicks in; we start wondering why this happened, how it could have been different, we go through the list of a million and one "what-if"s, judge ourselves, judge others, replay the event over and over. It's so agonizing and seems endless. Rumination is the constant chewing over, or dwelling, on thoughts. Sometimes our minds get stuck on the positives, but so often we get consumed with negative thinking and it's difficult for us to pull ourselves out of it. Most commonly, rumination is used to predict the prevalence and severity of mental health issues and it can be tricky to break the patterns of rumination. Keep reading for some insights on my approach to coping with rumination and overthinking.
Distraction Alone Is Toxic
I watched this Ted talk the other day about emotional hygiene, some of it I really agree with and some of it I do not. He spoke on this 2 minute distraction from rumination rule. It IS proven that it takes 2 minutes of distraction to stop rumination and it can be helpful in lessening the intensity of our emotions. I'm sure we've all given this a try - we throw on a show, chat with somebody about something irrelevant, scroll through social media and for those 2 minutes or however long the distraction lasts the rumination has stopped. I mean, it works, but what do we do when our distraction is gone if the thoughts come back again? Do we keep distracting ourselves and seeking new distractions? Do we find other ways of numbing and avoiding the thoughts and feelings? Numbing hurts your life experience and phsycial and mental health. You're avoiding the negativity and doing nothing so solve the real root of the issue, that's toxic.
I'll give you my real life example - I just had an hour and a half phone conversation with somebody after a really shitty interaction with my boss and now I'm off the phone and all of the thoughts are back. All of my negative thoughts are swirling in my head and I'm angry all over again. While I was on the phone I was fine because my brain was distracted, once the distraction was gone the thoughts came running back. This happened because I didn’t take the time to process my emotions, I was trying to run from them. I needed to feel the emotions, accept them and let them go. When I didn't make space for emotional processing the thoughts came back and were as equally as powerful as they were before I started seeking distractions.
So there needs to be a better solution to ruminating thoughts other than only distraction. I think it's true for most people that 2 minute distractions just do not cover it and if they don't deal with and process the emotions they come right back to smack them in the face. That's exactly what I was feeling.
Maybe this is part of the reason why younger generations are having more serious mental health issues. It's either we're getting more honest about it and vocalizing our issues more or our state of living does not support our over all wellness and mental health. People aren't taught the SKILL of emotional understanding and processing. Nobody is taught how to cope in school. Maybe it's because we live in this age of social media and instant gratification, people aren't used to sitting in their uncomfortable emotions, accepting them, and processing them. Another interesting thing I've seen is people post about problems on social media. Comments and likes serve as quick dopamine hits and in a way combat feelings of isolation, but still no processing is done and, in my opinion, not everybody who follows you on Instagram or snapchat has earned having access to your struggles. All of that is temporary or bandaging the issue, it doesn't really solve anything deeper. If distraction is your only coping mechanism, that's unhealthy for you.
I read this book called "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer, it's all about freedom from thoughts, healing, and acceptance. He uses this analogy of a psychological wound being like a thorn in your side. In order to avoid discomfort, you build all these contraptions to avoid the pain, try various methods of distraction, and take medicine to numb the pain. Because the pain is too severe and you can't sleep on where the thorn is, you build this whole crazy mechanism that protects the thorn from getting pushed when you're trying to sleep. You go through these EXTREME measures to avoid the pain, rather than just removing the thorn. Your emotions, traumas, and life circumstances are literally exactly the same thing. If we just get a distraction from the pain, we can bare it. If we keep practicing this numbing we'd eventually be wrapped up in bubble wrap and on an insane amount of pain killers and mood stabilizers to bare the pain, but it doesn't heal the injury. The problem isn't solved until we remove the emotional thorn.
Letting Go Of Overthinking
The first thing to notice when you're overthinking, is that you're overthinking. We must acknowledge that the thorn is there before we can remove it. Whatever the thoughts are, acknowledge that they are there. Whatever you're feeling, give yourself permission to feel it. We need to feel and experience both the negative and the positive in life. If we keep running from the negativity, it'll start piling up and eventually you'll explode. Experiencing and coping with negativity helps you grow and appreciate when things are positive.
My cure for ruminating is self reflection and self expression. So let's say you're really mad about something that happened at work or at school. Give yourself permission to stomp your feet, yell in your pillow, do your thing as long as it's not physically harmful to yourself or others. Whatever you have to do to get your anger out. Maybe you want to put on some angry music and dance in a way that's really aggressive. Music has powerful impacts on us, it's amazing how it affects us at not only a psychological but a phsycial level. If dancing isn't your thing maybe try drawing or coloring. Scribble in all red or all black or play with charcoal because it's just so satisfying, speaking from personal experience. We have to do something to process and release the event emotionally and I find often that expressing your emotions in a physical way provides an EXTRAORDINARY release. The physical and creative release of the emotion will leave you feeling lighter and lessen the likelihood of that eventual explosion.
After we make space and let go of the emotion, we need to welcome in some positivity and relaxation. We just cleared out some serious emotional baggage, now it's time to pick up something to make you feel loved and supported. Play some happy music, call a supportive friend, put on a funny show, walk in nature, start finger painting. Now it's time for a positive distraction. Once the negative emotions are felt, accepted, and released - we have the capacity for positivity.
Resolution
We discussed how distraction alone is not a way of coping - it can be helpful in lessening the intensity of our emotions and beneficial to do after we do some emotional release. The point is to avoid numbing, avoiding, and distracting behaviors so we can give ourselves permission to feel the whole spectrum of emotions. We need to find ways of coping and expressing ourselves that work and leave us feeling lighter. I find creative, physical release works the best for me - of course sports and exercise can be another helpful outlet. Accept and let out the negative so you can have space to welcome in some love and positivity.
If this article resonated with you, you need some help finding an emotional outlet, or need some extra support on your healing journey - I encourage you to try out one of my in person or virtual events, start working directly with me to create an individualized approach to your wellness, or a combination of the two. Only you can decide what's best for you.
Wishing you light and love,
Roxanne
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